Therapy can be life-changing, but only if you have the right therapist. A strong therapeutic relationship is built on trust, understanding, and professional expertise. But what happens when something feels… off? Maybe you leave sessions feeling worse, unheard, or even judged. The truth is, not all therapists are a good fit for every person. If you’ve been questioning whether your therapist is truly helping you, pay attention to these red flags—because the wrong therapist can do more harm than good.
🚩 #1 – They Dismiss or Minimize Your Feelings
A therapist’s job is to validate and explore your emotions, not dismiss them. If you’ve ever shared something deeply personal and received a response like, “That doesn’t sound like a big deal” or “You’re overreacting,” that’s a major red flag.
- A good therapist helps you process emotions without judgment.
- Minimization can make you feel invalidated and discourage you from opening up.
- This can be especially harmful if you’re dealing with trauma, anxiety, or depression.
What to do: If you consistently feel unheard, address it directly with your therapist. If they continue to downplay your experiences, it might be time to look for someone who truly listens and supports you.
🚩 #2 – They Talk More About Themselves Than About Helping You
Therapists are human, and some self-disclosure can be beneficial in therapy. However, if your therapist constantly talks about their own problems, past experiences, or opinions instead of focusing on you, that’s a problem.
- You’re paying for support and guidance—not to be their audience.
- Over-sharing can shift the focus away from your healing journey.
- It may indicate a lack of professional boundaries.
What to do: If your therapist repeatedly dominates sessions with their own stories, politely redirect the conversation back to your needs. If it continues, consider finding a therapist who maintains a healthier balance.
🚩 #3 – They Judge or Shame You for Your Choices
Therapy should be a safe space where you can express yourself without fear of judgment. If your therapist makes you feel ashamed for your thoughts, feelings, or past decisions, that’s a major red flag.
- A therapist should guide, not criticize.
- Judgment can make you feel hesitant to open up.
- This is especially damaging if you’re working through trauma, addiction, or personal struggles.
What to do: If your therapist’s reactions make you feel worse instead of supported, discuss your concerns with them. If the judgment persists, it’s time to seek a more understanding professional.
🚩 #4 – They Push Their Own Beliefs Onto You
A therapist’s role is to help you explore your own values and perspectives—not impose theirs. Whether it’s politics, religion, or lifestyle choices, a therapist should remain neutral and supportive.
- Therapy should be about your beliefs, not theirs.
- If you feel pressured to conform to their opinions, it can create a toxic dynamic.
- This can be particularly harmful in areas like gender identity, relationships, or faith.
What to do: If your therapist frequently inserts their personal beliefs into your sessions, express your discomfort. If they continue to impose their views, consider finding a therapist who respects your individuality.
🚩 #5 – They Don’t Remember Important Details About You
If your therapist constantly forgets key details about your life—like major events, your job, or even your name—it can feel like they’re not truly invested in your progress.
- A good therapist keeps track of important aspects of your journey.
- Forgetting major details can make therapy feel impersonal.
- It may indicate they’re not fully engaged or are juggling too many clients.
What to do: If this happens occasionally, it might not be a dealbreaker. But if you feel like you’re reintroducing yourself every session, it’s a sign they aren’t giving you the attention you deserve.
🚩 #6 – They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
A good therapist understands and respects personal boundaries. If your therapist pushes you too hard, contacts you outside of agreed-upon sessions without a valid reason, or tries to steer conversations in directions you’re not comfortable with, that’s a serious concern.
- Therapy should challenge you, but at a pace you’re comfortable with.
- Boundary violations can feel intrusive and unsettling.
- This can be particularly problematic in sensitive areas like trauma or personal relationships.
What to do: If you feel your boundaries are being ignored, clearly communicate your limits. If they continue to overstep, it’s time to seek a therapist who respects your comfort level.
🚩 #7 – They Seem Distracted or Disengaged During Sessions
Your therapist should be fully present and engaged when working with you. If they seem distracted, check their phone, or appear uninterested, it signals a lack of commitment to your healing process.
- Therapy is a space where you should feel heard and valued.
- A distracted therapist can make you feel like your problems don’t matter.
- This can lead to ineffective sessions and wasted time.
What to do: If this happens occasionally, it may not be a major issue. But if your therapist consistently seems disengaged, bring it up. A professional therapist will acknowledge and correct this behavior. If they don’t, it’s time to move on.
🚩 #8 – They Make You Feel Worse After Every Session
Therapy can sometimes bring up difficult emotions, but you should still leave sessions feeling supported and with a sense of direction. If you consistently feel worse after every session—whether due to invalidation, excessive criticism, or emotional exhaustion—it’s a red flag.
- Therapy should challenge you, but not in a way that leaves you hopeless.
- If sessions are consistently draining with no sense of progress, something isn’t right.
- Emotional exhaustion without constructive support can do more harm than good.
What to do: Pay attention to patterns. If you regularly leave therapy feeling worse without any tools to cope or progress, it may be time to find a therapist who provides a more balanced and supportive approach.
🚩 #9 – They Overstep Professional Boundaries
A therapist should always maintain a professional relationship with their clients. If they make inappropriate comments, overshare personal details, or try to form a friendship or romantic relationship, that’s a serious ethical violation.
- Therapists must maintain a professional, supportive role.
- Overstepping can create an unhealthy power dynamic.
- Personal relationships with clients can compromise therapy effectiveness.
What to do: If your therapist crosses professional lines, address it directly. If the behavior continues or feels unethical, report them to the appropriate licensing board and seek a new therapist immediately.
🚩 #10 – They Aren’t Helping You Make Progress
The ultimate goal of therapy is growth and healing. While progress can be slow, if you’ve been seeing the same therapist for a long time with no noticeable improvement—or worse, you feel stuck—it might be a sign they’re not the right fit.
- Therapy should provide new insights, coping strategies, and self-awareness.
- Feeling stagnant or repeating the same discussions with no change is a red flag.
- Sometimes, different approaches or therapists are needed to break through obstacles.
What to do: If you feel like therapy isn’t working, have an open discussion with your therapist about your progress. If they dismiss your concerns or can’t adjust their approach, it’s okay to seek a fresh perspective elsewhere.
Trust Your Instincts
Choosing a therapist is a deeply personal decision, and not every professional will be the right fit. If you recognize multiple red flags in your sessions, trust your gut. Therapy should be a space of support, growth, and healing—not frustration or discomfort.
If something doesn’t feel right, don’t hesitate to explore other options. The right therapist is out there, and finding them can make all the difference in your mental health journey.
